dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
