she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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