Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
