i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
