maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
