I'm drive I can fine osifer
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
