Duck Duck Cougar?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
