is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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