You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
