I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
