yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
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