You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
