I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
