Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
