Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
