God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
