dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
