There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm like, not good at living.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
