Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
