WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
