Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
do herpes really smell.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
its liver damage thursday
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
