Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Drunk is not a location!
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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