that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
