Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
