Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
