Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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