I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
