3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
