HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
