just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
