ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Randomize
