So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
