I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
