Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
