I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
