hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
