if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
