Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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