question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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