Don't make out with my wife yet
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
