areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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