He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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