Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
