Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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