you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
My dick has a subreddit
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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