The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
