I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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