I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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