can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
