just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
