So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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