I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
