What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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