I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
